(Content warning)

High school was a time of chaos and rebellion. A time of sneaking out, partying, punk shows, and body modifications with the punks, goths and emo kids. My first tattoo was a stick n’ poke given to me by my close friend in the back of a car, resulting in a lopsided star. We stretched our ears as another act of rebellion and as a badge of belonging to the punk/emo scene. Heavy eyeliner, dyed mullets, band tees, skinny jeans, studded belts, tattoos, snake bites, gauges, and chokers were the emo kid’s uniform.

Our adornment was armor: it was meant to intimidate or repel, yet beneath that many were suffering. Emo culture embraced mental health awareness but evolved into a trend that made light of what drew those to the subculture in the first place. Within these cliques, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and drug addiction were common. In high school, I had lost three close friends to suicide, and two more to drug overdose. 

The honey bee wings in my work carry this grief and seek cartharsis.

Through this piece, I think of a time where minds are still forming and emotions are imbalanced and at their most vulnerable. Where we modified our bodies to display an allegiance to the like-minded and to act as protective devices. This ephemeral choker, delicately pressed against the skin, is in opposition to permanently stretched lobes and lopsided stick n’ pokes. It’s an homage to those fleeting yet malleable years.

If you or anyone you know is considering suicide or self-harm, or is anxious, depressed, upset, or needs to talk, there are people who want to help:

In the US:

Crisis Text Line: Text CRISIS to 741741 for free, confidential crisis counseling

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Outside the US:

The International Association for Suicide Prevention lists a number of suicide hotlines by country. Click here to find them.

Befrienders Worldwide